Editing Activity

Rebuttal: Cooperstown and the 'Roids:

1. Used pathos to make me want to care about the topic, when generally I would be indifferent about the use of steroids.
2. The facts provided about the two baseball players who were omitted from the hall of fame not because of their drug use but because attitudes makes me greatly distrust the original writer for having such incorrect facts.

Wikipedia

1. The use of wikipedia for your source on the bio of Seigenthaler  is nothing less than amusing.
2. By picking out and identifying the main criteria the writer wanted to critique they were able to make a strong paper with strong points without being vague or misleading.

Argument Against Cannabis Goes Up in Smoke

1. I was constantly bombarded with facts and sources which allowed for a very factual paper but didn't make me believe that their oppinion was coming out.
2. There is an arguement that says "look all these guys did it" using the bandwagon affect, bad.

What I need to add to my paper...

1. Focused attributes to disagree with.
2. Multiple sources which support my arguement.
3. Examples that tie back to culture today
4. Strong thesis that isn't whimpy
5. DON'T BE VAGUE!

Critical Cultural Evaluation

"Healthy, Effective Weight Loss." Weight Watchers. Weight Watchers
     International, Inc., 2011. Web. 3 Aug. 2011.
     <http://www.weightwatchers.com/Templates/Gateway/
     Gateway_Home_2col.aspx?xp1=home&pageid=1058041>.

The main Weight Website will allow for direct information and analysis about what they are trying to do and say rather than accept what other people have to say and rely on their research.

United States. Dept. of Agriculture. "Food Groups." Choose My Plate. Dietary
     Health. N.p., 4 June 2011. Web. 3 Aug. 2011.
     http://www.choosemyplate.gov/foodgroups/proteinfoods_amount.aspx.

Having the government's officals having done the reasearch reassures me that they kow what they're talking about. I'll use this for facts and statistics.

Evaluation

I thought that the peer evaluation was helpful in the sense that someone was reading my paper with fresh eyes that had no knowledge of my past. She was also my main audience target and was able to pin point the places which she didn't quite understand and help me progress to creating a successful piece of writing. However, it was difficult working with someone of my skill level because she was unable to convince me that some of her suggestions were actually for the better instead of just her opinion and her way of writing.

Dinner

The green felt ball swooshing past me out of bounds struck with a thunderous roar much too loud for such a small item. The shrilling alert from Dane's whistle confirmed that it was not the ball that had made such a noise but the explosion of tiny water molecules after a lightning strike. Class was canceled 40 minutes early as it started to pour down from the heavens, the sun blocked by dark ominous clouds. I had planed on driving through a fast food restaurant before driving back to campus to attend my third class of the day. However, this much needed storm gave me 90 minutes as opposed to the original 50 I have so I changed my plans. My flatmate, who's also my tennis partner, decided we should go to T.G.I. Fridays and have a sit down meal.

On arrival we run from the car through the rain already soaked, each drop pelting our skin mixing with our sweat from the games we had come from. The air inside was colder than preferred with the water evaporating on my skin enticing goose bumps to rise on the bare skin of my arms and legs. The floor had that sticky waxed feel to it as we walked to the table assigned to us, the same we had sat in the week before. The blood red booth made of faux leather stuck to me uncomfortably like I was attached the sticky side of a huge sticker. Our waitress was gorgeous dark skin that appeared flawless, loose curls that framed her face and rested on her shoulders, the dichromatic uniform providing a pleasant contrast. . . to be continued?

Staying up Late

I have sworn off caffeine and it's killing me. My 1a.m. nights have turned into 11p.m. nights; how can I experience a real Penn State student life with adequate sleep and decent grades?

At one point I was drinking two cups of coffee in the morning a coke for lunch, another for dinner, and at least two past the 8o'clock mark. Now tea with a lower concentrate of caffeine for breakfast and lunch, milk for dinner and bed time around 11. My social life is restricted to the weekends and then on a special occasion when class is canceled. And my studies? Those come first...or at least they're supposed to. I hate making the decision between school work and friends. Your school work wont be there with a warm hug when you need it. I think after 13 of going to school and that being required by parents to be your first priority you deserve a bit of a break. However, that break doesn't always exist. Sometime I hate that I have such motivation to succeed, I can't, I refuse to let myself fail.

Narative Reading Response

1)Write a bit about how these essays differ from the writing you are used to writing/reading. How do they use a different structure, tone, techniques, etc?

2) Take one of the essays and write a few sentences about the purpose and audience for the essay. What are they and how do you know? 

These essays were much more relaxed and heartfelt from what we have been writing and what we have all written in the past. They included quotes and personal information that usually one would not encounter in scholarly writing. They were still trying to be informative but they were doing it through telling a story making the message much more memorable.

"Path's Changing" was intended to express that there is a path where you can be close to God but not have him rule your daily life. I would say this is directed to teenagers going through changes who have always had God be a big influence in their lives. I understood how a relationship seemed like the best thing in the world and appeared to make everything look like it had an easy answer.

Free Write

Alright, we'll I'm going to talk about what my day was like today for awhile.  To start off you need a bit of a history about me :) I've had a job since I was 15 and it's been the same job and during the summers I would wake up at 5:00a.m. and go to work until 2 then do whatever I wanted, or what my parents told me to the rest of the day. Recently I quit this job and I now have the weekends all to myself. Today I woke up at 10:30!!! Alright, I know it's lame and that a lot of teenagers wake up incredibly late but it was a nice little gift to myself today.
Woke up, fed my sister's cats (all the way across town), lazily made breakfast for me and my flat-mate (waffles), saw Harry Potter (which I'll talk about later), spent time with someone very dear to me, fed the cats AGAIN, then relaxed with pizza and a movie.
Harry Potter was the end of my childhood. I wanted to be a witch and on my twelfth birthday I wish and hoped for my Hogwarts letter. It never came. I didn't cry until Severus Snape played by Alan Rickman died, then I hardly stopped. Fred died, like we all knew he would but it was still hard to see the Weasleys mourning the loss of their son. Lupin and Tonks romantically died together after their shaky get together leaving behind their infant son ceremoniously like Harry's parents sacrificing themselves in which recreating the series...so I think I can officially say that my childhood has ended.