Seeing Things Again

I see you in the light that is purely you. 

Your color to me is a deep crimson with a beautiful black pattern through it. 

I see the gold that has now been added your black, the gold of your love. 

I want NEED you happy.

Forever, 

your sweets.

True Leader

I'm part of a teen youth group called Teen Leaders out of the YMCA. This organization is great for teens, it gives them an awareness of the troubles in the community that they didn't previously know or even think about. But my particular group is full of wonderful people, of all ages. We have the tiny ball of energy who is constantly smiling even on the grayest day; the confused, lost little girl who grew up much too fast and has no idea how beautiful she is; the blonde...(I'd apologize if I thought you'd ever read this); and then we have the heart, the origin, who has lost sight of what she can do.

There's a girl, no, a woman, who doesn't know all that she is capable of. I've seen her talk down a teary red-eyed irrational teenaged boy, who would have rather died than let a girl see him such a state. She has such big dreams of becoming a doctor and I know in the pit of my being that she could do that if she tried and pushed herself as far as she can go. She has been involved in this same group for years and finally she's Co-President of this club that has so much potential that we don't know what to do with it sometimes. I admit that I've had a rough and shaky experience while in this club and I'm not friends with all of the people that I see once a week at our meetings but over all, we are a functioning unit that could complete any task if put in front of us; all we need is a little direction and motivation.

What is a President if not a motivator, a thinker, a planner, and a compassionate person? While we plan our meeting I take notes and brainstorm of ideas to give to my President. I am a supporter, a listener, a back-up plan. But part of my supporting role is saying what is needed to say and not always what is easiest to hear. That's also my role as a best-friend; I am here to make you the best person you can be and to point out things that blemish that. I'm not your parent; I wont tell you what is right or wrong. I can only tell you what I see, what you do with the information is your choice. But know this: you are a leader, you are an inspirer, you are my President.

Break - ups

So, being a teenage girl you go through guys like candy on Halloween...or so I've heard. Me personally, have been broken up with once and one well...we'll call it a mutual break. Those two were my longest relationships. One of my good friends went through a break up in the past day or so and was calling for advice and moral support, (she was doing the break up). The only thing that I could think to tell her was that if he made her happy then she should reconsider and she shouldn't do it just because she was being pressured by other friends due to the age difference between the two. 


From the experience of being on the receiving end of in essence two break ups I can honestly say that it hurts and no matter how much time passes by when you hear his/her name your heart will still and you will remember your first date to the movies and you wont remember what you saw but you'll recall making a bet the you could win a prize out of the claw machine and naming it Leroy and being so proud. No. Those memories will fade and you'll eventually forget, but time doesn't heal, it just erodes away the pain. 


That's not to say that the person that's doing the "breaking up" is a bad person in any sense. It means that they weren't getting what they needed out of the relationship and that they believed that it couldn't be provided. That's what I forced myself to believe so I wouldn't continue to hate my ex. I resented him for the longest time because I was still in love with him as he moved on so quickly that it was as if we weren't together for eight or so months, which is a long time in high school relationships. 


But to my friend I told her that she needed to be happy with herself and love herself or how could she expect anyone else to love her? She ended her relationship and I was the one she called afterward. I love this girl dearly and she deserves the world, she just needs to realize that.


Some people come into our lives and quickly go.  Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.  ~Flavia Weedn,Forever

My lord? My savior?

Growing up my parents took me to a Lutheran church, Good Shepherd, where I learned what was "proper" for my Christian upbringing. I was Mary in the Christmas performance of the birth of Christ, I took my first communion and still to this day have the little pin, although, I haven't touched it, let alone worn it in over five years. As I grew, I decided I no longer wanted to sit in uncomfortable pews, full of strangers that I saw once a week for years, and listen to someone tell stories about things that apparently related to life. Needless to say, I lost faith that a baby was born of a woman who had never known the touch of a man, and that he died on the cross for me.

Was Jesus a real person? Was he born and murdered? I don't know. And quite honestly it holds very little impact on me either way. All that I know is two things are necessary for conception: sperm and an egg; without either, or a medical experiment in a lab, there will be no baby. Jesus could have existed and been a wonderful person, whom did great progressive things to better the world around him, but was he God's only son, and the savior of Man? I guess that goes into my belief in God.

God- the creator of the heavens and the earth. Every science class that I have ever taken has told me that the Earth was created from the Big Bang Theory, but it's exactly that, just a theory. I'm forced to trust some scientist in an observatory somewhere that he knows what he's talking about and not just feeding me something completely plausible that has no factual evidence to support it. So, what evidence is there for the theory that God created the Earth, and all that inhabit it? About as much as there is for the other one, I would say, but I also haven't studied either to form a well informed opinion.

My only point is: we can never know 100% either way. I guess that's why they call it faith. I just seemed to have lost mine. Here's what I choose to believe though: I was put here for a purpose, what that purpose is, I haven't a clue; there is a higher power than just us mundane humans; and I was blessed with a family that supports and loves me, no matter what.